To be honest I don’t have a particular reason why I’m heading overseas. My goal for the past decade now has always been to move out of my parents’ place, move away from where my extended family live (both sides of the family live in the area that I’m in), and head out to the
wide open sea world and really get experience.
Growing up I’ve always felt I missed something – or rather a lot of things. Just things, I’m not talking about anything specific, but just life experience that would make me a more relaxed and open individual.
Now people can argue that
“But good sir, you might do things that are downright traumatizing/degrading/crazy/intimidating/downright stupid to yourself!?”
(My mom is a big user of the phrase “You’re going to do something stupid”.)
True, but is it wise to live in comfort and pleasure, being codependent on a shrinking checking account, and be with people who drag you down (emotionally and professionally)? OR risk it all and go out and carve out a piece of the world for yourself?
It’s the whole “turning a new leaf” sort of thing. Turning myself from the bullied kid to the f*cking beast of myself.
But enough of the being better speech. I’ve received two rejection emails already. But I’m making head way in one agency that’s located up in Canada. I’ve also got two leads on two local school districts so that I can substitute for middle school students. If I get assignments before I head out to Asia, I’ll know whether middle school and high school students are too much for me to handle (since I’ve discovered that elementary school is too hard for me).
I’ve come to realize that perhaps that teaching is not a vocation for me. I guess I should have known better since even before I started my program I had a feeling that it just “wasn’t right”. some $40,000 later and some trouble I’m this close to getting my teaching certificate for the state of California I’m just finishing it just for the hell of it. Not bad for someone who now just hates the structure of school.
Don’t get me wrong I loved the kids (and to a greater extent elementary students in general), but education is treated like shit in this country and the USA should – and needs to – do better in order to compete. And quite frankly, the responsibility to change that does not rest on the shoulders of men like me.
If you’re wondering, I was literally counting down the days of when the internship was over – that was “out of place” I was in the classroom. Hopefully middle and high school will be a little better.
I’m hoping to find something just as fulfilling as education. I know it sounds weird because…I am applying to positions to teach overseas. But I’m viewing it as a means to an end. Call me selfish…but I gotta get my ass outta here and out there. If not, then well I’m cheating myself out of a fulfilling life I figured.