Much like how this man went through a life of drugs and bad company and turned himself around, I will do the same
As for me, I have spent a life with the wrong company – people who put down others’ dreams just so that they can feel better for not pursuing theirs.
I’ve come to the decision and affirmation that I will no longer allow myself to be held back by my bad past.
Much of the past month has been a lot of personal reflection, in the form of a lot of “friends” leaving and a lot of people that I thought were “friends” turn out to be people who I really don’t want to be around with (they’re not bad people, but they’re not the best role models). I feel like I’m a new, different, better person than I was even a month ago. Basically there was a lot of loss; loss of friendships, loss of loved ones, etc.
I then stumbled on the stories in the links above, and then it slowly creeped up in my gut and mind; my life between the ages of 8 and 28 have been like these men – terrible and full of dead weight. Only my “weight” was the fact that I have completely allowed the drama and situation at home to affect my professional, personal, romantic, and spiritual opportunities in life.
Basically, all that I was taught by my parents and family has been dead weight.
Some of you may know this feeling, some may not. But being in a comfortable situation is comfortable – but there is no growth. No growth, no life, no change.
There’s no encouragement, a distrust of “dreams”, and an extreme fear of challenging the status quo in order to make things better. Add on top of that a persistent and detrimental environment of negativity – yes I grew up in that.
I had that for 20 years of my life. 20 years robbed from me. 20 years of youth and opportunity that was robbed from me. But that wasn’t the worse part.
The worst part was that I bought the bullshit story (told by my family) that my dreams are not worth pursuing. “Stay with us” they say, “Take care of us” (I’m from a Chinese family, so family is important). “Just do as we tell you to”.
This coming from a family who, by all indications, has given up on life – given up on making their lives happy and worth living! While sitting here in their house as I’m typing this, I’m approaching my oral board for the local police academy and my US Army application is sitting in my bag.
I don’t know if they are the right path(s) for me or if I will ever take them. But what I do know is that like this kid who overcame obesity to become a body builder , I need to start building the future that I want in order to get what I truly what out of life and myself.
So this is the purpose of this blog after all – after 3 years of blogging, this is the reason why I blog; to chronicle the journey one man – me – and his rise and rebirth from his addiction and co-dependence on negativity, familiarity, the status quo, co-dependence, and the environment of his family. Aikido was simply a vehicle of this journey.
So was exercise. And this blog, and this blog. Everything else has simply been a part of the crash-and-crash-and-repeat cycle of my life. I can’t believe it took me this long to actualize who I am today – but all I can say is it’s better late than never
And that I’m just getting started. I can only hope that in the next 10 years of my life will “make up” for all that lost time.