Truth be told and a Lesson in Passivity

mirror-reflection-600x370I’ve had two people who were my friends (in 2 different settings and neither knows one another) yell at me – yes not tell, not whispered, not stated, yelled at me this phrase that threw me off:

“ANDREW, HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, DO YOU WONDER WHY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS??”

(Caps for emphasis).

You know what? They’re completely right. They are complete and utterly correct in their statement in a blinding force of pent up rage. You know how I took it?

Passively

Yep, I just sat there like a little punk and and did and said absolutely nothing to refute their claim. Because I knew it was true. Should I have countered them and saying that their way of expressing their opinion was out of line? Should I have screamed back?

I don’t know. At that time, I just accepted it as truth (and I always did in years past – allowing the opinion of others steer my actions). But you know what, I realized that it is true that no one wants to hang out with me. That I don’t have many friends (for the past 20 years!).

But you know what? Neither one of those guys know why I prefer to have fewer friends than many. Neither one of those guys know – or understand – the (very stupid) shit that went down in my life. Neither of them understand nor know that some of that same shit run deep in my being and to this day affect my day-to-day interaction with people.

In short, I’m just a misunderstood poor kid (young man?) from the ‘burbs who never had a guidance in his life. Little do these friends know that I’m just doing the best I can without that.

It doesn’t help that I’m a newly minted adrenaline-junkie…

But any how – I shouldn’t have taken both of those passively. If I could bring myself now back to those two incidents (which were just last month), my ego wouldn’t have been the only one broken.

~

My police oral interview is tomorrow morning. Holy crap I feel that I’m not prepared at all…given how I have zero expectation on what is going to happen. I’ve gone on sites and videos and Yahoo!Answers even (yes, that one!) on what to expect, what to do, etc.

I know what I should do, but I don’t know if my “spirit” (whatever that represents) is going to be there, present, and kicking the ass out of the interview. Raw recruit, I am – but I suppose the only thing I can do is just be as open and honest as I can – while hiding the body of the monster that I knocked off the night before!

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