Why the hell you ask? Let me explain.
Simple: “It’s better to be alone, than be in bad company“.
My family gatherings have gotten to the point that it’s an negative emotional suck every time I’m there. But more importantly, I’ve gotten to know a lot of my co-workers, fellow friends, and fellow Aikidoists (and my LCSW as well) and I’ve come to realize that the people in my family are not the people who I want to be around at times like these.
Some people will ask me “Why aren’t with your family?”. I will correct them and say “that’s my birth family you’re talking about, I haven’t found my true family yet.”
Besides, I’ve found that when I’m alone outside of the house, I can practice Aikido without all of the negative emotions from my family. The centering and relaxation practice I do without interruption in my car or at a coffee shop (like where I am now). I can also be as connected to my surroundings as much as I can and as much as I want to.
I find that whenever I do this, I’m more connected to people’s emotions. Both positive and negative emotions. You see, negative emotions and I go way back – and quite frankly, I stay away from negative emotions like the plague.
In the past, I’ve gone on outings by myself – but nothing like this. In the past I would like just veg out and go numb. Now, when I’m alone I can allow the old skin from the past shed off – or to be broken off like that of baby creature breaking out of its shell (whichever is more dramatic).
A fun fact: most of my winters in the past were the times that I started dating a few of my girlfriends (don’t ask, it just worked out that way!). Not this year – oh well, I guess that’s better that way.
At this point; I’m realizing that if I won’t be able to gather around a fire with loved ones, I might as well tend to my own fire inside my own heart.
Merry Christmas everyone, I hope your inner fire never goes out.