Social Fasting

14507-monk-meditating-1280x800-photography-wallpaperSo I decided back in October of last year to avoid all social outings.

My rule was that I cannot contact people to “hang out”, people have to come to me to ask to hang out. Now some of you probably think this is egoistic of me to do this: “Why would you avoid people purposefully when you have a perfectly good social life going on?”

Well, I never had a social life to begin with.

Realizing – believing – that I was being my own worst enemy when it came to making friends – I made the call.

It was one of the best calls I’ve ever made in my life! 

Between meditation, Aikido training, Toastmasters, working out, and rebalancing myself – the things that have come together in the past few months have justified the months of social fasting that I endured.

Believe it or not I was the type of person who people avoided being around with – the type of person who people didn’t want to hang out (still do). For over 10 years I never understood why people did this. Throughout the years I’d “jump” from group of friends to another trying to “find” a group that I could associate with.

Little did I know that the reason why I was “jumping” from group to group wasn’t so much as they weren’t right for me, it was the person who I was that was preventing any lasting connection from growing.

Until just 3 weeks ago, I went to my first social outing (not including Aikido and Toastmasters) in 4 months. Even counting Aikido and Toastmasters I only  went to two – and those were “official” functions.

Even within these past 10 years, I was something of a pariah with the Aikido circles. Though honestly, the vast majority of my fellow students had families and children so they’re “reluctance” was more of a time issue rather than a relationship issue.

Avoiding and preventing myself from seeking social outings has done wonders in building myself into the man who I want to be. Hence the title of this post “Social fasting”. I guess I am the monk in America suburbia.


So another one bites the dust – went on to a happy hour with a potential date. I guess women can be distracting after all. Either that or it wasn’t the right time yet. To get over the initial disappoint, my friend and I played 4 hours of Resident Evil 6. Nothing says getting over a failed date than 4 hours of zombie hunting.

It’s back to being a social hermit

4 thoughts on “Social Fasting

  1. For me social is Aikido friends. All rest has happened by chance. And all rest when not related to Aikido had eventually failed.
    In more than a way I am like you: not looking for people to hag out with, but differently I did not take a “stand” for the fasting. It is the way I am.
    I’d like to hang out with you…. After practice! 😉

    1. It’s funny, my best friends currently are non-martial artists. In fact, they still have no idea what Aikido is. I find it good, too much Aikido can disconnect oneself to one’s life so I like the arrangement. As for hanging out, it will come – hopefully soon!

  2. Maybe you’re an introvert? I know I am, and I feel as though I exude an aura that frightens people. When I’m studying in the library, I’m can feel people avoiding sitting near me, unless they have no choice. But true friends endure nonetheless, and thank God for my family.

    1. It’s less about being an introvert (or extrovert) and more about your presence; “aura”, “vibe” would other good descriptions. How you carry yourself is also a good indicator.

      I blame it on my “scowl” – a face the comes naturally whenever I need to be alone. Though unfortunately people have told me I look menacing! It’s unfortunate that I didn’t have the support of my family, so I had to figure this out on my own.

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