Bittersweetness & Opportunity

Moving forward – I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m just sitting down to write this and am realizing how at times of opportunity, there is almost always a “loss”. Some gives way to make room for the new. It’s nothing that we as people intended, but it seems rather just the way things are – the way the universe goes. Or how “God” does it (however you may lean onto). Which leads me to this week; as the title implies, there are some good things that will be happening, but also some things that are coming to an end. Here we go:

So my friend is leaving the US to the Philippines this Monday. We met in 2008 when I came back from college heartbroken, disillusioned, and lost in direction. It was at the local community college here; it was at a club dedicated to community service and out of options then (and in need of some company), I joined. Since then we’ve been in more of less regular communication – even when she left for San Francisco to continue her studies. Now that she will be essentially gone I feel that I will losing something that I gained over the past 5 years. I can’t say the intimate details of what I feel about her here since she knows about this blog (and reads it from time to time)! However what I can say is that I should have enjoyed my time with her more. It’s really sad that I didn’t open up to her more during the years that I knew her, it was only in the past few months that I’ve taken the initiative to open up to her. Perhaps it was due to me knowing that she might be leaving the country soon – I guess it was all good timing right? Better late than never. Anyway, there’s going to be a two parties for her this weekend before I leave for my new job, it’ll be fun!

Speaking of new job, hell-fucking-yes I finally got a new position!

Albeit a temporary one; I’m going to be teaching English to a group of Italian high school students who are coming over to the states to immerse the culture. A summer camp where they get to have a taste of the San Francisco Bay Area while being chaperoned by their ESL teachers (including me). I’m excited and intimidated by the whole thing, mainly because I’ve never done anything like this. I’ve attempted positions like this in the past, only to fall prey to my inexperience and past habits. But now I’m fresh, and am ready to shed away all the mistakes and crap that I had in the past. I’m looking forward to completing this mission, this test of myself. I’m looking forward to the challenges to this position, and overcoming my past and insecurities.

Finally as mentioned before, there with new opportunities come the at the “loss” of others. In this case, missing out on the Aikido of Santa Cruz 2012 Retreat. JWS is teaching there along with Motomichi Anno Sensei, 8th Dan Shihan, Linda Holiday Sensei, 6th dan, and Mary Heiny Sensei, 6th Dan. I hate the fact that I wasn’t able to go; such a great atmosphere here and great teachers. Also it’s a great way to connect with my fellow Aikidoists, both from within the dojo and outside. I went once 2 years ago and I’ve never forgotten how awesome it was! Last year I wasn’t able to attend too, but I was able to attend Anno Sensei’s 80th birthday party at the end of the retreat then and I was surprised that Anno Sensei remembered my face after those years and having known thousands of students throughout his life.

It’s with some regret that I am missing this event, mainly because my Aikido skill has wavered throughout the months. Just today I embarrassed JWS by falling during  Koshinage that he was demonstrating in front of class. Just writing out here brings back the memory of embarrassment!

In any case, I’m ready for my job. For new opportunities, and a perhaps a new journey. I’m afraid I’m going to have to put my Aikido one on temporary hold; Just like almost a year ago.


Edit* (July 12, 2012): Since I’m taking a new teaching position that requires me to relocate and be on the school premise 24/7, the blog posting will be minimal for the time being. When I’m done two weeks from now (and if all goes well), the regular posting will resume.

Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. ~ Optimus Prime


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