Scorpio Sensibilities

scorpioI’ve always been a very curious kid; if something caught my interest I’d research said material intensely. Often times digging up information only a detective would be impressed at. Aikido, Wing Chun, the cute girl that I had a crush on Junior year in high school, BoA Kwon (Korean female pop singer)…the list goes on

And of course astrology. More specifically, the whole horoscope thingy

Now just to be clear, I’m not going to ask someone what their zodiac sign is (that’s the Sun sign for those of you true practitioners) within 30 minutes of meeting them. No I’m not that crazy. However I like to say that I’ve acquired enough info that if the topic ever comes up during a dinner conversation, I can hold my own.

Which brings me to my own confession. I’m a Scorpio (born October 23rd) and I have not been a Scorpio. In fact, I will say that I’ve never been a “true” Scorpio for the past 20 years of my life. It has only this year that with all due honesty that I feel remotely “scorpio”.

Why you ask? A mix of parenting and self destruction will really do a number to your psyche. That and a healthy does of poor role modeling can have effects that can go on for years.

I’m also sound like I’m making excuses – which I hope I’m not, but like anyone (or any sign), getting lost in life is not a journey one takes lovingly. Whether it’d being in a gang, dipping in drugs, wrong career, or just being in a horrible environment is not something I’d recommend waving around like a heart on a sleeve.

That being said, I like this year so far. Lots of changes and challenges. I guess I bring up my horoscope sign because this year has had a lot of things going on. I received my black belt in January and from that time on my awareness (self and otherwise) have increased faster and are more pronounced than in years previous.

As an example, I met with a life coach last week and she said something that still tugged at my heart while we were sipping coffee. It gives me chills whenever I think about it, and I can only suspect it will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So what are we looking at?
Life Coach: [From what you've told me], and from what I see here, you’re the type of person who is only defeated if you believe that you are.

I don’t know what that means, but all I know is that she hit the nail on the head. And as a Scorpio, this is awesome news. The reason? I now know what I’m capable of.

Lucy; staring Scarlett Johannsen and directed by Luc Besson

lucy-movie-4This review may be a little late, but I have to say that there were several great things about this movie.

  1. Scarlet Johannsen (no explain needed)
  2. Probably the best – shortest action filled move that there is (~90 mins)
  3. Nice concept – gives me some hope that if I use 20% of my brain simultaneously that I can be resistance to pain and can learn Chinese in 2 hours.
  4. Scarlet Johannsen
  5. A great movie to watch while getting high.

Ode to Robin Williams

As many of you know Robin Williams unfortunately took his own life  last month.

Unfortunately I was never a big fan of his films – the only two movies that I saw was Mrs. Doubtfire and Hook. Also unfortunately, I may have missed the punchline when he died because I ended up treating it like any other celebrity death.

However it was something else that drew me to his passing; the circumstances. Being the curious fellow that I am I decided to do a little personal research into why he took his life.

Of course, why would such a prolific actor, comedian, and general saint take his own life after bringing so much happiness to others?

This question was answered after going though some the articles written about him by his fellow stars. One that struck me was written by Carrie Fisher. Her testimony, among others, seemed to point how even though Robin Williams could make people happy about themselves, he had the inability to make himself feel happy. She went on to state that he would “absorb the atmosphere of the room” and had “no boundaries [when it came to emotions]“.

I remember seeing this quote from Robins Williams a few years ago that struck me:

feel-alone

Now I realized, in my own way, that perhaps Robin Williams was a causality of his own greatness.

When you have ideas and/or see things that no one else can. When you are so different from everybody else to the point where do you feel alone, you really do become depressed.

After some time had passed of his death, I began to remember that I too had this same feeling. There are times – and they still happen – where I’m just around people where I’m truly alone.

The times where you can’t relate to people because of the humor you have, or the things that you see in people. You know the conversations would start as…

  • Me: “Did you that?”
  • Friend: “What?”
  • Me: “That…!”
  • Friend: “Dude you’re just weird for seeing (insert minor personal detail of person we’re observing”

I’d notice things; whether people are married or not, whether they have a significant other, whether they had a certain type of job. I’d go  out of my way to notice tiny details of people – even my friends!

But alas I’d always be scoffed at. Told that I was too noisy for my own good.

But at least now I can use my observations to entertain friends.

In the end, though I may have not cared too much about his passing, what I’ve realized is that my experience through life has odd similarities to what the great one was suffering through – which over the decades of his life, lead him to take his own life.

A lesson from him to me if you will. A lesson I intend on learning from one of the greatest comedians of our time.

Thank you Robin Williams, I hope you are much happier where you are now.

Still Alive + Training

australian-grown-tendrilI’m still alive

Yep, though a lot has happened. Lost a job, got a job, lost that one. Started personal training, went on a  shopping spree (mainly Aikido stuff). And am going through a lot of personal trials.

Started meditating at least 5 mins 5 days a week; so far it has worked wonders.

I’m just training myself for life nowadays. It’s an awesome feeling day to day, but it’s hard to explain to people that you feel like a different person but you haven’t done anything great (yet) in life. I guess I’m just waiting for those “great” things to happen.

But wait, I just reminded myself; I have to go out there and make great things happen!

Power vs. Strength

Screen-Shot-2011-09-26-at-3.23.33-PMWhat is the difference between having power and having strength?

That the theme of yesterday’s training…

Power is the ability to affect change. You can have strength, but not power. When you have power, you have strength.

On another note, I was told by JW Sensei that speed and power are close, and are often found together, especially when in the actual movement.

Have I experienced this difference? Hell yes.

All the memories of “setting” came back – but also the awesome memories where speed wiped out ukes.

Martial arts + Life

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